Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
