how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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