I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
