dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
