I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
