So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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