I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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