You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
