my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
