i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
