matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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