Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
