Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
