your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
