Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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