I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
