I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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