Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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