Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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