remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize