My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
