I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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