piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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