4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
