Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
