It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
