On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
