I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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