Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
