It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
