Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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