i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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