no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
