I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
