If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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