My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
