he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
