How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
