I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it's like heaven, but drunker
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
