a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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