If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
