I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how do flat chested girls get laid?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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