it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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