Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
