my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You are a genius and a whore.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
