Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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