I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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