'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
