Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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