I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
