My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
