He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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