I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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