this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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