this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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