I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
