Betty ford says i'm here all night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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