omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
