Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
