Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
