you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
