Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
