Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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