I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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