Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
