Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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