His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
