After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
