It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
