I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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