Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
