I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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