I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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