Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
