listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
