That's intense
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You pole danced in your parka.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
